Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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