i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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