Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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