So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
