i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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