We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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