I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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