It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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