I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she smelled like a LAN party
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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