Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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