i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
