I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
