my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
