so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
how does that bad decision feel?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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