WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
