I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
