from now on my penis is your penis
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
