Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
