I'm laying in your front yard are you home
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
