Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
