I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
