Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
