they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
