I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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