she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
