Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
