You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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