I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
