she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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