he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
