I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize