Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
