Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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