69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
