finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
