I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize