You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
