My brain says no but my pants say off.
Barsexuality is the new black.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
