Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's get the cat blown out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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