i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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