hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We had sex on a dog bed..
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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