i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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