Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
