i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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