your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
