I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
