her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
