K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
