Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.

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(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon. http://tfl.nu/mzh2

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(778): View more from British Columbia

we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"

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(778): we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza" http://tfl.nu/yszc

Replies (11) Good night (3770) Bad night (453)
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(646): View more from New York

We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday

(1-646): View more from New York

mom would be proud

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(646): We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday (1-646): mom would be proud http://tfl.nu/m6gx

Replies (24) Good night (4163) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
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(647): View more from Ontario

Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night

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(647): Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night http://tfl.nu/qsqx

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.

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(828): I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office. http://tfl.nu/0hvj

Replies (7) Good night (1339) Bad night (3631)
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(636): View more from Missouri

The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.

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(636): The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania. http://tfl.nu/yocg

Replies (15) Good night (3415) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
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(704): View more from North Carolina

It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

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(704): It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/euqx

Replies (6) Good night (1843) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
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(360): View more from Washington

Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.

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(360): Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/0hus

Replies (10) Good night (1631) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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(508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9

Replies (6) Good night (1983) Bad night (646)
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(940): View more from Texas

Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.

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(940): Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book. http://tfl.nu/boxy

Replies (15) Good night (3006) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
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(515): View more from Iowa

So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....

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(515): So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night? (1-515): Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something .... http://tfl.nu/8iom

Replies (10) Good night (2071) Bad night (404)
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(714): View more from California

They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.

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(714): They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost. http://tfl.nu/dynq

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(505): View more from New Mexico

I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...

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(505): I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory... http://tfl.nu/vjel

Replies (10) Good night (2791) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.

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(843): Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now. http://tfl.nu/4hes

Replies (3) Good night (265) Bad night (672)
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(858): View more from California

CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!

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(858): CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples! http://tfl.nu/mwbo

Replies (7) Good night (1048) Bad night (253) Order T-Shirt

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