My balls are so social today.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
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Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!