a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?