i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast