heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off