i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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