last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize