these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
