I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
