you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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