i dedicated my morning wood to you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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