i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
