Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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