I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
