Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
