Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
