Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
