oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
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Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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