it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dignity is for republicans.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
